Last weekend, I hit the town for a day out with some of my girl buddies and one of them commented while the others were trying clothes on “You look like the gay best friend who decided to follow us shopping”. Not to mention that the shop in question solely deals in the sale of female clothes and accessories. Couple this with the fact that I was wearing slim jeans, a tight shirt, a hat (You dress too tight, your colours too bright) and stacks of beads and man jewellery and I could comfortably fit a stereotype of a gay person. For clarification’s sake I am as straight as a pair of ironed trousers. Another point to clarify is the fact I am not homophobic and that a good amount of my close friends belong to the lady folk.

 While I would prefer to keep them nameless in order to prevent the head swelling syndrome coming into effect I find it imperative to note that the thought of these girls brings a smile to my face. They are the most fitting examples of the beauties boys’ dream of and regard as wifey material. If most women could be like them, then articles like this would be virtually irrelevant. They are blessed with a good degree of beauty and brains and we all share similar interests. Unfortunately, they are all taken. Even if they weren’t I don’t see myself putting the sibling like relationship I share with them at the risk of complicating things. I am what my male friends would call a friend. This is a word used to describe those boys who share close relationships with girls and play the big brother role by being their advisers on the going ons in their lives whilst being unable to enjoy the numerous perks attached to having mutual benefits arrangements and relationships with girls. The most fitting description comes from Nathaniel Archibald’s description of himself as having a lot of girlfriends but no girlfriend. Let me not add that being a friend is cause for jokes and incessant teasing amongst my circle of male friends.


Recently one of my good female friends asked me where I stood with girls at the moment. I replied saying that I was actually interested in a relationship but had been unable to find my Miss Right. She replied telling me girls were the only ones allowed to moan like that. Then I agreed with her but after careful thought and consideration I realised that she was wrong. Girls seem to have this mindset that making the first move makes them look desperate. Why must the boy always be the one to make the move? Doesn’t that make me look desperate too? Get off your high horse and let that guy know how you feel before he moves  on to the next one(Apologies to Jay Z). This is not intended to be a Guidance and Counselling session so I draw a quick full stop to that paragraph.

Something I failed to mention is the fact that when my female buddy asked me what I considered for my Miss Right my reply was “Closest thing to perfection”. My last serious relationship (Serious, in every sense of the word) ended in April 2008. Since then, there have been a few likees, likeds that never got told and a couple of almost girlfriends but that Miss Right has still eluded me. I pride myself as being the best thing to touch earth since Nutri c so pardon what you might view as a form of superiority complex. My Miss Right must be good looking, well endowed in the right places, be relatively intelligent (Definitely not Albert Einstein’s IQ but also definitely not Paris Hilton’s), share similar interests with me, be ready to tolerate my endless mood swings, seemingly random displays of nonchalance (Ever heard of something called tough love?) and also be approving of my friendship with my female buddies. She must also understand that writing Poetry about any woman that is not my mother does not come into the picture for me. I am also anti PDA. Public display of affection that is. Going through this laundry list would suggest that my Miss Right must be ready to go through emotional torture and lots of self searching on how of all the people in the world they got stuck with me. My reply would be “Nothing good comes easy so be ready to enjoy the roller coaster”. I find it quite strange that most of the available girls I have come in contact with since my last relationship ended I have been unable to come in contact with have been unable to fulfill the criteria completely. Are my standards too high or is it that there is just a deficit of as close to perfect as possible girls in my world. The fact that a lot of my friends are in similar situations pushes me towards the latter. It is very likely that as females read this they would reverse it and complain about the deficit of men who stay faithful and fulfil their numerous requirements. They might be right but the truth is that anything centred on the battle of the sexes always portrays the other sex as the guilty party so your loyalties would most likely be determined by what you possess between your legs. The fact that I have been unable to find my Miss Right could possibly be attributed to two factors: (1) I haven’t looked hard enough (2) There are very few if any Miss Rights out there. If the former is the case and it mirrors your situation then the most rationale suggestion would be that you look harder and keep searching. There is always light after darkness after all. If the latter is the case and it also mirrors your situation I guess the most viable option would be to lower the standards a little and make do with what we have.

Mayowa Idowu



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